Sunday, August 13, 2006

More cryptic statements by Castro

From the Associated Press:

HAVANA (AP) - Fidel Castro has put out a cryptic statement, some 24 hours after it was revealed he's in the hospital.

Castro isn't actually seen or heard. Instead, the statement was read tonight by the host of a program on state-run Cuban television. In it, Castro says his health is "stable" and where his spirits are concerned, he feels "perfectly fine."

But Castro goes on to say -- quote -- "I can not make up positive news." Still, the statement offers no specifics on the Cuban leader's health after his intestinal surgery.

Castro is also urging Cubans to stay calm and go about their daily routines. The nearly 80-year-old president says the country "is prepared for its defense" and that "everyone needs to struggle, and work."

I was a little puzzled by this, because those statements don't seem especially cryptic. However, a followup has revealed further statements from Castro in his hospital room that are somewhat more obscure:

Wet birds fly at night.

I wouldn't want to own everything. What would people give me for my birthday?

Flossing is the answer.

They say ugly is the new cute, but that doesn't make any sense.

Could God make a boulder so heavy that even He couldn't lift it? What if He does that all the time, to keep Himself humble?

I wouldn't vote for the mayor. It's not just because he didn't invite me to dinner, but because on my way into town from the airport there were such enormous potholes.

Why don't they give you the toothpaste and water they've collected from other people when you get off the plane?

When Raul, Camilo, Che and I were hiding in the Sierra Maestra, you know what kept us sane? Baseball scores.

General! The dog has mangled my hologram!

Hugo Chavez has an imaginary friend named Mr. Tigglesworth. That's right, Hugo, I told the whole world! What are you going to do, give me a tumor?

A cat may look at a king, but the cat would be really bored and unimpressed. Unless the king was made entirely of yarn. Or aluminum foil.

They named that gay neighborhood after me as a joke, right? Ha ha, very funny.

Don't think of it as driving a gas-guzzling car. Think of it as setting fire to the source of the imperialist Bush family's wealth!

I really have to go to the bathroom...but THE BEARD SAYS NO.


  1. Saw him sitting up in a hospital bed the other night on TV, smoking a giant doobie. He looked alright to me. That said, these pictures may not have got through to the U.S., thanks to the same embargo that is keepig the new songs by The Who from reaching your stereo.

  2. Actually, the recent photos and the tv footage of Castro being visited in hospital by Chavez both made it to our benighted shores. Whatever our overseas friends may think of American provincialism, we do get some foreign news. The current government doesn't control everything that appears on our television screens. Not yet, anyway. In another two years, when George Allen becomes president -- yes, I'm calling it now -- we can be sure fixing that will be one of his top priorities.

    And yes, Fidel looked like an otherwise fit eighty year old man who'd just undergone major surgery. My pleasure at seeing this was only magnified by the sheer delight of contemplating the bitter, vindictive emigres in Miami who had been cheering the prospect of his death being forced to swallow their bile.

    The only thing that could make me happier would be not having to pay 13 dollars (!!!) to get an 11-minute CD on import.

  3. I like those Castro quotes. He's the Eric Cantona of politics.


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