Why comedy is dead

From Cinematical:

"At a press conference yesterday, Mel Gibson finally provided a few details on Apocalypto, his latest directorial effort. Set before the Spanish arrival in the Americas, the film's dialog will be in Yucateco, which is apparently an ancient Mayan language."

See...I mean...the thing is its own parody. What could we make up to improve on the facts?

You say it's your birthday?

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me!
I evolved from a primate
and I smell like one too...

Wait, that doesn't work.

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me!
Lots of people still have meaningful and productive lives
after they turn forty-three...

Sigh.

Happy birthday to me,
I'm strong as a flea --

Gah. Something has to rhyme there. Killer bee, Stan Lee, trick knee, ennui, time for tea...

Happy birthday to me,
I really have to pee...

Oh, forget it.

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to Richard
Now I owe ASCAP a fee!

Vatican astronomer asks: could you baptise ET?

See, this is why we can't make science fiction anymore.