Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Summary of interrogation

Babies Caught Up in 'No-Fly' Confusion

To: Department of Homeland Security
From: Transportation Security Administration
Re: summary of interrogation of terrorist suspect

Suspect was taken into custody prior to boarding 9 AM flight Dulles to Orlando along with two individuals identifying selves as "parents" of suspect. Terminology possibly indicates higher status in terrorist cell.

Asked the purpose of his travels that day, suspect responded, "Mickey Mao! Mickey Mao?" Individual identifying self as "mother" of suspect told suspect Mickey Mouse was not present at this location, and did suspect want some juice? Suspect first replied "Nuh" then, apparently reconsidering, replied "Yes, wanna joos!"

Upon receiving a container of juice, suspect began an apparently self-composed recitation, the lyrics of which stated "joos joos wanna joos wanna joos joos joos joosy jooooooos!" Recording to be sent for translation. Possible anti-Israeli message?

When asked his name, suspect replied "Sunjob." When pointed out that this name did not match the name used on his ticket, suspect continued to insist that he was identified as "Sunjob." When asked to identify his superior in the terror cell, suspect said "Gary!" then broke into uncontrollable giggles.

Individual identifying self as "mother" explained that suspect was claiming to be "Spongebob." At this point, agents asked "mother" if this constituted admission of using false identification in air travel. "Mother" again expressed desire to end interview at this point.

Suspect began a second recitation in which he informed lead interrogator "You be super pooper man super pooper man sooper pooper maaaaaaaaan you do sooper poopers sooooooper poopers!" When informed that this claim was in error and that said agent was not, in fact, "super pooper man" the suspect began to cry. Suspect would not stop until the "mother" reassured suspect for several minutes.

Interrogation resumed. Lead agent asked suspect if he himself had ever made a bomb. Suspect laughed. When the question was repeated, suspect placed his tongue between his lips and made the following statement: "Prrrrrrfffffllllllllttttt prrrrr prrrrrr prrrrrfffff prrrrrrfffft!" When asked to elaborate, suspect explained "smelly belly smelly belly smelly belly smelly!" Suspect repeated this statement several times with increasing agitation, until "mother" explained suspect needed his diapers changed.

The interrogation was suspended until such time as this took place.

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