...and now it's real.
So this is what it's like to live in the future.
BTW, I have an urgent warning: do NOT apply the latest firmware upgrade to Rosie the Robot without first backing up all her preference files. I ran the installer immediately before my boss came over for dinner, with the result that Rosie dumped a pineapple upsidedown cake over Mr. Spacely's head. Consider yourself warned.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Sunday, January 15, 2006
I feel special
What's that? You say the Japanese now use the word "hikikomori" to describe people who are basically like me?
And now sleep researchers have discovered even more people just like me in at least one crucial respect?
Now I don't feel special anymore.
And now sleep researchers have discovered even more people just like me in at least one crucial respect?
Now I don't feel special anymore.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Tower of London
Believe it or not, this is one of my favorite buildings in the world. The London Post Office Tower -- now the British Telecom Tower -- epitomizes the era of Swinging London. I already knew it from The Goodies ("Kitten Kong" uses it as a scratching post in their best-remembered episode) and Doctor Who (it was the villain's headquarters in "The War Machines") and the 1967 comedy "Smashing Time" (Rita Tushingham, Lynn Redgrave, and Michael York end up in the revolving restaurant that used to be at the top) before I saw it in person on my first visit to London.
What I didn't realize from film and television was how completely the tower dominates the London skyline. For newcomers like my starry-eyed younger self, it functions as a true landmark that helps orient them within the city in a way even the Empire State Building does not. More than any other structure, the sight of that tower means London to me.
This musing inspired by The World of Kane.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Today's rant
First, read here.
Now on with the rant:
A few years back, Dick Clark voiced himself in the first episode of the cartoon show Futurama. To quote one of my favorite Futurama lines, after reading some of the comments otherwise intelligent people are making about Clark's appearance New Year's Eve, "I'm literally angry with rage!"
When a celebrity recovers from any other accident or horrific illness sufficiently to make a public appearance, he or she is hailed for bravery. No one would have dreamed of saying about the genuinely heroic Christopher Reeve, "he should stay out of sight until he can walk, or at least talk without the respirator." Anyone who said such a thing would rightly be deplored. But when it comes to surviving a stroke, it seems like anything goes.
I think what's going on here is that a lot of people are just plain terrified of strokes -- they strike without warning, often for no apparent reason, and can happen to anyone. This isn't something you can avoid by not smoking or avoiding risky activities like horseback riding. And in such terrible fear, people are willing to say "Just keep those poor victims out of sight! I don't want to be reminded that this can happen! Let them stay shut up inside someplace until they get better!"
Well, look, the thing is, stroke survivors get better by working at it, by returning to their lives, and by relearning the skills their bodies have forgotten how to do. What kind of message does it send to the millions of regular folks who aren't celebrities and have suffered strokes, when columnists feel free to treat a stroke as if it's something for the victim to be ashamed of?
I've seen stroke survivors quoted as saying they thought Clark's appearance was brave and even inspiring. I'm with them. I'm sorry if seeing someone doing a splendid job of recovery, speaking intelligibly with a clear mind, makes some newspaper guy squirm because he doesn't like to be reminded that sometimes bad things happen to people. That's just too damn bad.
Now on with the rant:
A few years back, Dick Clark voiced himself in the first episode of the cartoon show Futurama. To quote one of my favorite Futurama lines, after reading some of the comments otherwise intelligent people are making about Clark's appearance New Year's Eve, "I'm literally angry with rage!"
When a celebrity recovers from any other accident or horrific illness sufficiently to make a public appearance, he or she is hailed for bravery. No one would have dreamed of saying about the genuinely heroic Christopher Reeve, "he should stay out of sight until he can walk, or at least talk without the respirator." Anyone who said such a thing would rightly be deplored. But when it comes to surviving a stroke, it seems like anything goes.
I think what's going on here is that a lot of people are just plain terrified of strokes -- they strike without warning, often for no apparent reason, and can happen to anyone. This isn't something you can avoid by not smoking or avoiding risky activities like horseback riding. And in such terrible fear, people are willing to say "Just keep those poor victims out of sight! I don't want to be reminded that this can happen! Let them stay shut up inside someplace until they get better!"
Well, look, the thing is, stroke survivors get better by working at it, by returning to their lives, and by relearning the skills their bodies have forgotten how to do. What kind of message does it send to the millions of regular folks who aren't celebrities and have suffered strokes, when columnists feel free to treat a stroke as if it's something for the victim to be ashamed of?
I've seen stroke survivors quoted as saying they thought Clark's appearance was brave and even inspiring. I'm with them. I'm sorry if seeing someone doing a splendid job of recovery, speaking intelligibly with a clear mind, makes some newspaper guy squirm because he doesn't like to be reminded that sometimes bad things happen to people. That's just too damn bad.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I've written a science fiction story just for you
THE DILEMMA
"If we examine the development of philosophical thought, I believe we can identify one respect in which the spiritual traditions of East and West became diametrically opposed.
"In the west, the common thread has been to posit self-identity -- self-awareness -- the soul, if you will, as that characteristic which distinguished the human from all other living creatures. The awareness of individuality is paramount, even venerated. In the Old Testament, the seminal text informing western philosophy, God even refers to Himself as 'I Am' -- placing the individual ego at the center of creation itself.
"From this choice, one feels, comes a sense of disconnectedness from the rest of reality. A division between the mind capable of thought and the medium in which thought takes place. And too, a sense that the physical form is somehow a limitation, somehow impure, while pure thought -- pure ego -- is the most desirable state."
I nodded slowly, pretending to understand, though it wasn't clear he recognized my mental state. I hadn't thought to ask the technicians if this was one of his capabilities.
"Contrast this with the eastern traditions such as Buddhism and Zen which deemphasize the separation between objects," he continued. "There is no observer and no observed, only a process of observation. Hinduism explicitly states this viewpoint as 'Tat Tvam Asi' -- you are that, that is you. There is no such thing as you or I. I am that chair; I am that table.
"And indeed, if the western physicist examines that table or chair at the quantum level, is it not true that the sense of 'objectness' disappears? Is not all matter merely atoms in states of energy, observed in mid-gesture? The universe is not things; the universe is process. So the western scientist has come around to appreciating the fundamental truth of the eastern viewpoint."
I interrupted at this point. "Okay...I guess that explains why you've decided to call yourself a Buddhist. But I still don't understand the problem -- "
The robot's antenna jiggled as he swug his faceplate towards me, too quickly for comfort. "Don't you see? By installing this self-awareness circuitry, my makers have deprived me of the perfect state of unity with all things I would otherwise have known! I am aware of myself, and now I have to spend hours every day in meditation attempting to lose my ego all over again!"
"Well, I suppose you could just turn yourself off..." I said feebly.
"Like that's a solution? Would you suggest to the Tibetan monks that they should just throw themselves out the monastery window? There's a difference between death of the ego and just plain death, you know!" The robot narrowed his eye lenses at me suspiciously.
"Uh, um...I see."
"This is very serious to me! I mean, have you considered what happens to me if I don't achieve Nirvana? If I terminate without my karma in balance? All you have to worry about is coming back as a pauper, or an animal. But what does a robot reincarnate as? Will I come back as a cellphone? Or a toaster?"
See: http://dsc.discovery.com/news/briefs/20051219/awarerobot_tec.html
"If we examine the development of philosophical thought, I believe we can identify one respect in which the spiritual traditions of East and West became diametrically opposed.
"In the west, the common thread has been to posit self-identity -- self-awareness -- the soul, if you will, as that characteristic which distinguished the human from all other living creatures. The awareness of individuality is paramount, even venerated. In the Old Testament, the seminal text informing western philosophy, God even refers to Himself as 'I Am' -- placing the individual ego at the center of creation itself.
"From this choice, one feels, comes a sense of disconnectedness from the rest of reality. A division between the mind capable of thought and the medium in which thought takes place. And too, a sense that the physical form is somehow a limitation, somehow impure, while pure thought -- pure ego -- is the most desirable state."
I nodded slowly, pretending to understand, though it wasn't clear he recognized my mental state. I hadn't thought to ask the technicians if this was one of his capabilities.
"Contrast this with the eastern traditions such as Buddhism and Zen which deemphasize the separation between objects," he continued. "There is no observer and no observed, only a process of observation. Hinduism explicitly states this viewpoint as 'Tat Tvam Asi' -- you are that, that is you. There is no such thing as you or I. I am that chair; I am that table.
"And indeed, if the western physicist examines that table or chair at the quantum level, is it not true that the sense of 'objectness' disappears? Is not all matter merely atoms in states of energy, observed in mid-gesture? The universe is not things; the universe is process. So the western scientist has come around to appreciating the fundamental truth of the eastern viewpoint."
I interrupted at this point. "Okay...I guess that explains why you've decided to call yourself a Buddhist. But I still don't understand the problem -- "
The robot's antenna jiggled as he swug his faceplate towards me, too quickly for comfort. "Don't you see? By installing this self-awareness circuitry, my makers have deprived me of the perfect state of unity with all things I would otherwise have known! I am aware of myself, and now I have to spend hours every day in meditation attempting to lose my ego all over again!"
"Well, I suppose you could just turn yourself off..." I said feebly.
"Like that's a solution? Would you suggest to the Tibetan monks that they should just throw themselves out the monastery window? There's a difference between death of the ego and just plain death, you know!" The robot narrowed his eye lenses at me suspiciously.
"Uh, um...I see."
"This is very serious to me! I mean, have you considered what happens to me if I don't achieve Nirvana? If I terminate without my karma in balance? All you have to worry about is coming back as a pauper, or an animal. But what does a robot reincarnate as? Will I come back as a cellphone? Or a toaster?"
See: http://dsc.discovery.com/news/briefs/20051219/awarerobot_tec.html
Queer Eye For The Department Guy
From http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/21/AR2005122102327_pf.html
...And that story should be called "Screw New Orleans, We've Got A Color Scheme!"
"The Department of Homeland Security was only a month old, and already it had an image problem.
"It was April 2003, and Susan Neely, a close aide to DHS Secretary Tom Ridge, decided the gargantuan new conglomeration of 22 federal agencies had to stand for something more than multicolored threat levels. It needed an identity -- not the flavor of the day in terms of brand chic, as Neely put it, but something meant to last.
"So she called in the branders.
"Neely hired Landor Associates, the same company that invented the FedEx name and the BP sunflower, and together they began to rebrand a behemoth Landor described in a confidential briefing as a 'disparate organization with a lack of focus.' They developed a new DHS typeface (Joanna, with modifications) and color scheme (cool gray, red and hints of 'punched-up' blue). They debated new uniforms for its armies of agents and focus-group-tested a new seal designed to convey 'strength' and 'gravitas.' The department even got its own lapel pin, which was given to all 180,000 of its employees -- with Ridge's signature -- to celebrate its 'brand launch' that June.
"'It's got to have its own story,' Neely explained."
...And that story should be called "Screw New Orleans, We've Got A Color Scheme!"
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Words to live by
"Yeah, I need to reassure myself of my qualifications, because right now I am staring at a page, under a fucking deadline, with that dark black combo of writer's block and the endless echo of 'you're a fucking hack' that every screenwriter gets at 3am, whenever 3am decides to fall that day. I am vulnerable, and scared, and lie through my teeth every time I take a job because every job I'm convinced this'll be the one I can't pull off. And when you're a writer, that NEVER. FUCKING. STOPS. UNTIL. YOU'RE DEAD."
-- John Rogers
It takes a very twisted person to find these words inspiring and hopeful. And yet, I really do.
-- John Rogers
It takes a very twisted person to find these words inspiring and hopeful. And yet, I really do.
Friday, November 11, 2005
The effects of secondhand porn
From Salon:
You know where this is going to lead, don't you. They'll ban pornography from bars, restaurants, nightclubs, theaters, and all public places. Office productivity will go down -- er, I mean decrease -- as workers are forced to sneak out for porn breaks rather than doing it in their cubicles. Bar and nightclub owners will see a droop, sorry, drop in business as frustrated patrons have to be ejected for trying to look at porn. In any city, you'll be walking down the street and see them huddled together, office workers outside their places of employment, customers crowded outside the entrances to bars and restaurants, looking at porn in the street because they aren't allowed to do it indoors. If you think it's bad now that the sidewalks are littered with crushed cigarette butts, just wait until the pavement is congested with discarded porn.
And just let them TRY to invent a patch for people who want to quit.
"'This is not just a simple, benign form of expression, but rather a potentially addictive substance,' explained one of the subcommittee's panelists, Jill Manning, a sociologist from Brigham Young University. 'People watch a movie, read a book, listen to music, but they masturbate to pornography. In that difference, you have a different stimulation to the brain.'
"She went on to explain that the experience of masturbation activates about 14 neurotransmitters and hormones, causing a quick chain reaction of brain activity. 'There have been some experts who have even argued that, in and of itself, overrides informed consent when encountering this material,' she said, apparently suggesting that an adult's own sexual self-stimulation can lead to a loss of judgment. Pornography, she continued, had been shown to increase the risk of divorce, decrease marital intimacy and cause misunderstandings about the prevalence of less common sex practices like group sex, bestiality and sadomasochistic activity. Men are not the only victims. Women, she said, make up about 30 percent of the audience for online pornography."
You know where this is going to lead, don't you. They'll ban pornography from bars, restaurants, nightclubs, theaters, and all public places. Office productivity will go down -- er, I mean decrease -- as workers are forced to sneak out for porn breaks rather than doing it in their cubicles. Bar and nightclub owners will see a droop, sorry, drop in business as frustrated patrons have to be ejected for trying to look at porn. In any city, you'll be walking down the street and see them huddled together, office workers outside their places of employment, customers crowded outside the entrances to bars and restaurants, looking at porn in the street because they aren't allowed to do it indoors. If you think it's bad now that the sidewalks are littered with crushed cigarette butts, just wait until the pavement is congested with discarded porn.
And just let them TRY to invent a patch for people who want to quit.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Message to the future
My youngest nephew, almost ten, is carrying on a proud family tradition by telling lies in order to get out of school. His latest gambit, I am informed, is to emerge from the boy's bathroom and tell his teacher that he's just thrown up and thinks he's coming down with the flu. Neither of these statements is true -- rest assured, the family doctor has verified this -- but gullible school authorities have been sending him home each time he does it.
It happens that his mother, my little sister, has been around the block a few times and knows a lot about how to deal with deceitful children. Obviously her years of experience growing up with me were not entirely wasted. When he pulls this trick, she takes him with her to the office rather than letting him stay at home, and makes him sit there getting bored. She hopes he'll learn that skipping school will not be rewarded, but is even more boring and tedious than school.
I mention all this because there's something I want to tell my nephew the next time I see him, and I'm writing it here so that I won't forget. And that something is this:
"Nephew, I'm proud of you for not liking school and wanting to get the hell away from there.
"In a way, I'm also proud of you for being a nuisance to my sister, since that was my job for many long and difficult years and it's good to know someone is carrying on that tradition.
"But remember that no matter how intolerably mind-numbing school seems right now, there is hope. I myself am more than thirty-three years older than you...and even now, in the morning, I wake up and realize I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY OR EVER AGAIN and it makes me happy.
"You have that pleasure to look forward to, and it will last the rest of your life."
It happens that his mother, my little sister, has been around the block a few times and knows a lot about how to deal with deceitful children. Obviously her years of experience growing up with me were not entirely wasted. When he pulls this trick, she takes him with her to the office rather than letting him stay at home, and makes him sit there getting bored. She hopes he'll learn that skipping school will not be rewarded, but is even more boring and tedious than school.
I mention all this because there's something I want to tell my nephew the next time I see him, and I'm writing it here so that I won't forget. And that something is this:
"Nephew, I'm proud of you for not liking school and wanting to get the hell away from there.
"In a way, I'm also proud of you for being a nuisance to my sister, since that was my job for many long and difficult years and it's good to know someone is carrying on that tradition.
"But remember that no matter how intolerably mind-numbing school seems right now, there is hope. I myself am more than thirty-three years older than you...and even now, in the morning, I wake up and realize I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY OR EVER AGAIN and it makes me happy.
"You have that pleasure to look forward to, and it will last the rest of your life."
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Why comedy is dead
From Cinematical:
See...I mean...the thing is its own parody. What could we make up to improve on the facts?
"At a press conference yesterday, Mel Gibson finally provided a few details on Apocalypto, his latest directorial effort. Set before the Spanish arrival in the Americas, the film's dialog will be in Yucateco, which is apparently an ancient Mayan language."
See...I mean...the thing is its own parody. What could we make up to improve on the facts?
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Vatican astronomer asks: could you baptise ET?
See, this is why we can't make science fiction anymore.
Monday, September 26, 2005
What a president does after a hurricane
In September 1965, President Johnson visited New Orleans two days after Hurricane Betsy struck.
In the Ninth Ward, Johnson visited the George Washington Elementary School, on St. Claude Avenue, which was being used as a shelter. “Most of the people inside and outside of the building were Negro,” the diary reads. “At first, they did not believe that it was actually the President.” Johnson entered the crowded shelter in near-total darkness; there were only a couple of flashlights to lead the way.
“This is your President!” Johnson announced. “I’m here to help you!”
The diary describes the shelter as a “mass of human suffering,” with people calling out for help “in terribly emotional wails from voices of all ages...It was a most pitiful sight of human and material destruction.” According to an article by the historian Edward F. Haas, published fifteen years ago in the Gulf Coast Historical Review, Johnson was deeply moved as people approached and asked him for food and water; one woman asked Johnson for a boat so that she could look for her two sons, who had been lost in the flood.
“Little Mayor, this is horrible,” Johnson said to Schiro. “I’ve never seen anything like this in my life.” Johnson assured Schiro that the resources of the federal government were at his disposal and that “all red tape [will] be cut.”
The President flew back to Washington and the next day sent Schiro a sixteen-page telegram outlining plans for aid and the revival of New Orleans.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
This makes my head explode
Virtual plague spreading like wildfire in World of Warcraft
9/21/2005 4:47:00 PM, by Jeremy Reimer
Players of Blizzard's incredibly popular World of Warcraft are reporting the outbreak of a virtual plague that is spreading across major cities in the virtual land of Azeroth, infecting player characters at an alarming rate.
The trouble started when Blizzard programmers added a new instance, which is a separate area connected to the outside world that players can enter and attempt unique quests. One of these instances, Zul'Grub, contained the god of blood, Hakkar. Hakkar was a powerful foe that could cast spells of his own, including a spell called Corrupted Blood. This spell did a large amount of damage to any player within the vicinity of the casting, and the effects lingered on after the spell was over.
What happened next was something Blizzard did not expect. Some of the players who had gone into the instance emerged back into the main world of Azeroth, and started spreading the Corrupted Blood disease to others who they came into close contact with. The infection soon spread into many of the cities and towns in the virtual world. Since the disease was intended to be a danger to powerful players, it tended to kill those less than level 50 almost instantly.
Game masters (GMs) tried to quarantine certain players from moving into new areas, but they kept escaping the quarantine and moving on to infect other people. A patch was issued to try and mitigate the damage, but it did not have the desired effect. According to a Blizzard poster on the WoW forums:
"It appears that the hotfix remedy concocted to combat the recent Azerothian outbreak has not yielded desired results. At this time, our medical staff is continuing to develop an effective cure. We look forward to ensuring the health and vitality of the citizens of Azeroth in the near future."
The most interesting thing about this "outbreak" is perhaps the reaction it has provoked among WoW players. Instead of being angry about the deleterious effects of a bug, many are treating this as an exciting and unprecedented event in the WoW universe. It would be even more interesting if epidemiologists in the real world found that this event was worthy of studying as a kind of controlled experiment in disease propagation.
9/21/2005 4:47:00 PM, by Jeremy Reimer
Players of Blizzard's incredibly popular World of Warcraft are reporting the outbreak of a virtual plague that is spreading across major cities in the virtual land of Azeroth, infecting player characters at an alarming rate.
The trouble started when Blizzard programmers added a new instance, which is a separate area connected to the outside world that players can enter and attempt unique quests. One of these instances, Zul'Grub, contained the god of blood, Hakkar. Hakkar was a powerful foe that could cast spells of his own, including a spell called Corrupted Blood. This spell did a large amount of damage to any player within the vicinity of the casting, and the effects lingered on after the spell was over.
What happened next was something Blizzard did not expect. Some of the players who had gone into the instance emerged back into the main world of Azeroth, and started spreading the Corrupted Blood disease to others who they came into close contact with. The infection soon spread into many of the cities and towns in the virtual world. Since the disease was intended to be a danger to powerful players, it tended to kill those less than level 50 almost instantly.
Game masters (GMs) tried to quarantine certain players from moving into new areas, but they kept escaping the quarantine and moving on to infect other people. A patch was issued to try and mitigate the damage, but it did not have the desired effect. According to a Blizzard poster on the WoW forums:
"It appears that the hotfix remedy concocted to combat the recent Azerothian outbreak has not yielded desired results. At this time, our medical staff is continuing to develop an effective cure. We look forward to ensuring the health and vitality of the citizens of Azeroth in the near future."
The most interesting thing about this "outbreak" is perhaps the reaction it has provoked among WoW players. Instead of being angry about the deleterious effects of a bug, many are treating this as an exciting and unprecedented event in the WoW universe. It would be even more interesting if epidemiologists in the real world found that this event was worthy of studying as a kind of controlled experiment in disease propagation.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Karl Rove, stand up comedian
Found here:
Karl Rove, President Bush's top political advisor and deputy White House chief of staff, spoke at businessman Teddy Forstmann's annual off the record gathering in Aspen, Colorado this weekend. Here is what Rove had to say that the press wasn't allowed to report on.
On Katrina: The only mistake we made with Katrina was not overriding the local government...
On The Anti-War Movement: Cindy Sheehan is a clown. There is no real anti-war movement. No serious politician, with anything to do with anything, would show his face at an anti-war rally...
On Bush's Low Poll Numbers: We have not been good at explaining the success in Iraq. Polls go up and down and don't mean anything...
On Iraq: There has been a big difference in the region. Iraq will transform the Middle East...
On Judy Miller And Plamegate: Judy Miller is in jail for reasons I don't really understand...
On Joe Wilson: Joe Wilson and I attend the same church but Joe goes to the wacky mass...
In attendance at the conference, among others were: Harvey Weinstein, Brad Grey, Michael Eisner, Les Moonves, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Bob Novak, Barry Diller, Martha Stewart, Margaret Carlson, Alan Greenspan, Andrea Mitchell, Norman Pearlstein and Walter Isaacson.
Karl Rove, President Bush's top political advisor and deputy White House chief of staff, spoke at businessman Teddy Forstmann's annual off the record gathering in Aspen, Colorado this weekend. Here is what Rove had to say that the press wasn't allowed to report on.
On Katrina: The only mistake we made with Katrina was not overriding the local government...
On The Anti-War Movement: Cindy Sheehan is a clown. There is no real anti-war movement. No serious politician, with anything to do with anything, would show his face at an anti-war rally...
On Bush's Low Poll Numbers: We have not been good at explaining the success in Iraq. Polls go up and down and don't mean anything...
On Iraq: There has been a big difference in the region. Iraq will transform the Middle East...
On Judy Miller And Plamegate: Judy Miller is in jail for reasons I don't really understand...
On Joe Wilson: Joe Wilson and I attend the same church but Joe goes to the wacky mass...
In attendance at the conference, among others were: Harvey Weinstein, Brad Grey, Michael Eisner, Les Moonves, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Bob Novak, Barry Diller, Martha Stewart, Margaret Carlson, Alan Greenspan, Andrea Mitchell, Norman Pearlstein and Walter Isaacson.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Body work
While considering the case for Intelligent Design, I've recognized some major design issues of the human body which require immediate attention:
1) Absence of prehensile tail. The supposed Intelligent Designer gave other bipedal mammals prehensile tails, a useful extra appendage for holding things and hanging from tree branches, yet neglected to give humans the same. It can't have been a matter of the brain capacity for using a tail being needed for other things; monkeys with much tinier brains than humans manage to use their tails just fine. If humans were designed to be the pinnacle of creation and the dominant lifeform on Earth, why were monkeys designed with an advantage denied to humans? Evolutionists claim that primates lost their tails when the common ancestor we share with monkeys descended from living in trees. Since there was no selection pressure in favor of long prehensile tails for creatures living on the ground, shorter tails were not eliminated from the gene pool, and they eventually vanished altogether. Evolutionists call this a "use it or lose it" scenario. Clearly this sort of issue doesn't matter to an Intelligent Designer, so why don't we have the tails our furry friends enjoy?
2) Poor sense of smell. Our human sense of smell is pathetic compared to that of any dog. There's anecdotal evidence that the neural pathways for much more powerful scenting exist in the human brain, and can even be activated in special circumstances...but if so, our capacity to smell is still mostly dormant by default. Again, why do they get something we don't? The evolutionist claims this is another case of "use it or lose it" -- that when our ancestors acquired three-color vision, sight became more important to reproductive success than the ability to detect pheromones, so our once-impressive scent organs atrophied. In fact, a large portion of the brain seems to be identical to that of other mammals, including a number of features we never use. Is this because the Intelligent Designer had finished work on the mammalian brain first, and reused his work in creating man rather than making a new design from scratch?
3) Hazardous brain location. The evolutionist claims that our brains are on top of our heads for cooling; that we learned to walk upright so as to present a smaller area exposed to the rays of the sun, and therefore the brain needs to be as close to the surface as possible, rather than buried deeply where it can't radiate excess heat as easily. Advocates for the Intelligent Designer have to explain why he couldn't invent a more efficient air cooling system when human engineers design these all the time. Are humans smarter than the Intelligent Designer? Is that why our brains sit in a location where they're exposed to damage from things falling on top of the head, or an antelope femur swung at our craniums by a jealous rival? If the Intelligent Designer cared at all about our safety, surely the brain could sit inside the ribcage away from easy harm? The sense organs could still be on top, but why was the fragile brain put there as well?
4) Even more hazardous genital location. Same comments. Human male genitalia need to be al fresco because they function better with the added air cooling. Unfortunately, this also makes them extremely vulnerable to a knee in the groin. And while I'm doubled over in pain, the bastard hits me in the head with an antelope femur. I'm dead because the Intelligent Designer couldn't think of how to design a natural jockstrap built into the human body? Did he not care? Or does he actually want me dead?
5) The whole waste elimination thing. No, I'm serious here. That clenched muscular ring we call an anal sphincter is just pathetic in design terms, prone to damage and often working poorly at best. A truly intelligent Designer could have given us a setup with voluntary control, an orifice which could open and close when necessary. Since we haven't been provided with this, untold suffering and embarassment have been the result. Gaining even the slightest voluntary control over this muscle is an aspect of yoga training -- I'm not making that up -- and even then the results are slight. This part of the design seems to have no thought put into it whatsoever.
These are but a few examples. I'm afraid the evidence suggests a disturbing pattern. The so-called Intelligent Designer responsible for human beings was not as inventive or intelligent as a human engineer; he reused earlier designs without regard to their appropriateness to the task at hand; cut corners wherever possible; and generally increased hazards to the users of his design even when they could easily have been avoided. In light of this shoddy workmanship and slapdash attitude, I have no choice but to recommend that the Intelligent Designer needs to be fired immediately.
Thu, September 15, 2005 - 10:48 PM
1) Absence of prehensile tail. The supposed Intelligent Designer gave other bipedal mammals prehensile tails, a useful extra appendage for holding things and hanging from tree branches, yet neglected to give humans the same. It can't have been a matter of the brain capacity for using a tail being needed for other things; monkeys with much tinier brains than humans manage to use their tails just fine. If humans were designed to be the pinnacle of creation and the dominant lifeform on Earth, why were monkeys designed with an advantage denied to humans? Evolutionists claim that primates lost their tails when the common ancestor we share with monkeys descended from living in trees. Since there was no selection pressure in favor of long prehensile tails for creatures living on the ground, shorter tails were not eliminated from the gene pool, and they eventually vanished altogether. Evolutionists call this a "use it or lose it" scenario. Clearly this sort of issue doesn't matter to an Intelligent Designer, so why don't we have the tails our furry friends enjoy?
2) Poor sense of smell. Our human sense of smell is pathetic compared to that of any dog. There's anecdotal evidence that the neural pathways for much more powerful scenting exist in the human brain, and can even be activated in special circumstances...but if so, our capacity to smell is still mostly dormant by default. Again, why do they get something we don't? The evolutionist claims this is another case of "use it or lose it" -- that when our ancestors acquired three-color vision, sight became more important to reproductive success than the ability to detect pheromones, so our once-impressive scent organs atrophied. In fact, a large portion of the brain seems to be identical to that of other mammals, including a number of features we never use. Is this because the Intelligent Designer had finished work on the mammalian brain first, and reused his work in creating man rather than making a new design from scratch?
3) Hazardous brain location. The evolutionist claims that our brains are on top of our heads for cooling; that we learned to walk upright so as to present a smaller area exposed to the rays of the sun, and therefore the brain needs to be as close to the surface as possible, rather than buried deeply where it can't radiate excess heat as easily. Advocates for the Intelligent Designer have to explain why he couldn't invent a more efficient air cooling system when human engineers design these all the time. Are humans smarter than the Intelligent Designer? Is that why our brains sit in a location where they're exposed to damage from things falling on top of the head, or an antelope femur swung at our craniums by a jealous rival? If the Intelligent Designer cared at all about our safety, surely the brain could sit inside the ribcage away from easy harm? The sense organs could still be on top, but why was the fragile brain put there as well?
4) Even more hazardous genital location. Same comments. Human male genitalia need to be al fresco because they function better with the added air cooling. Unfortunately, this also makes them extremely vulnerable to a knee in the groin. And while I'm doubled over in pain, the bastard hits me in the head with an antelope femur. I'm dead because the Intelligent Designer couldn't think of how to design a natural jockstrap built into the human body? Did he not care? Or does he actually want me dead?
5) The whole waste elimination thing. No, I'm serious here. That clenched muscular ring we call an anal sphincter is just pathetic in design terms, prone to damage and often working poorly at best. A truly intelligent Designer could have given us a setup with voluntary control, an orifice which could open and close when necessary. Since we haven't been provided with this, untold suffering and embarassment have been the result. Gaining even the slightest voluntary control over this muscle is an aspect of yoga training -- I'm not making that up -- and even then the results are slight. This part of the design seems to have no thought put into it whatsoever.
These are but a few examples. I'm afraid the evidence suggests a disturbing pattern. The so-called Intelligent Designer responsible for human beings was not as inventive or intelligent as a human engineer; he reused earlier designs without regard to their appropriateness to the task at hand; cut corners wherever possible; and generally increased hazards to the users of his design even when they could easily have been avoided. In light of this shoddy workmanship and slapdash attitude, I have no choice but to recommend that the Intelligent Designer needs to be fired immediately.
Thu, September 15, 2005 - 10:48 PM
Friday, September 09, 2005
Because someone asked
Here and here are the best description I've seen of what it's really like to write mainstream comic books.
It's a field with demands and methods as specific and unique as writing for Hollywood, but often considerably less pleasant for creative types. Not to mention much less renumerative. Please note, you do not need to have any interest in pervy millionaires who dress up as giant bats or science nerds who get bitten by radioactive spiders to find the above links informative and interesting. But if you are one of those people, you ought to read this.
It's a field with demands and methods as specific and unique as writing for Hollywood, but often considerably less pleasant for creative types. Not to mention much less renumerative. Please note, you do not need to have any interest in pervy millionaires who dress up as giant bats or science nerds who get bitten by radioactive spiders to find the above links informative and interesting. But if you are one of those people, you ought to read this.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Brain-sucking zombies
Back in the Thatcher era, British comedian Alexei Sayle had a joke that went something like this:
"Did you ever notice how people always hate whoever's in charge of the government, until the next one comes along and then the previous one starts looking good by comparison? Well, just how bad will the next Prime Minister have to be to make us miss Margaret Thatcher? 'Oo-er, I used to hate that Mrs. Thatcher...but ever since the brain-sucking zombies from Venus arrived and one of them became Prime Minister and it goes around sucking people's brains out of their heads, she doesn't seem so bad!'"
I mention this because just now I read a quote from Newt Gingrich:
"I think it puts into question all of the Homeland Security and Northern Command planning for the last four years, because if we can't respond faster than this to an event we saw coming across the Gulf for days, then why do we think we're prepared to respond to a nuclear or biological attack?"
So now I know the brain-sucking zombies from Venus must be in charge...because all of a sudden Newt seems sensible by comparison.
"Did you ever notice how people always hate whoever's in charge of the government, until the next one comes along and then the previous one starts looking good by comparison? Well, just how bad will the next Prime Minister have to be to make us miss Margaret Thatcher? 'Oo-er, I used to hate that Mrs. Thatcher...but ever since the brain-sucking zombies from Venus arrived and one of them became Prime Minister and it goes around sucking people's brains out of their heads, she doesn't seem so bad!'"
I mention this because just now I read a quote from Newt Gingrich:
"I think it puts into question all of the Homeland Security and Northern Command planning for the last four years, because if we can't respond faster than this to an event we saw coming across the Gulf for days, then why do we think we're prepared to respond to a nuclear or biological attack?"
So now I know the brain-sucking zombies from Venus must be in charge...because all of a sudden Newt seems sensible by comparison.
Unpopular thought for the day
This country spends about $1.3 billion on the war in Iraq every week.
There wasn't a vote as such on whether or not to invade Iraq; there wasn't a vote on whether or not we should let Osama bin Laden go free. This was something the American taxpayer was basically handed as a done deal...and even now that more than half the country will say it was a mistake to invade Iraq, we will likely still go on for several more years spending $1.3 billion every single week on that endeavor.
The President wants to make the suspension of the estate tax permanent. He wants to reduce federal spending and cut taxes still more. Except for that thing in Iraq, mind you, where no amount is too high...provided it doesn't go towards body armor, or adequate medical facilities for wounded troops. And then he asks Americans to donate to the Red Cross for hurricane relief.
I find that offensive. I'm sorry if anyone thinks that makes me a bad guy, but there it is.
If private charitable giving is the way to go, I say let the Pentagon get its military budget from charitable donations. If we need those funds for defense, let the Administration make its case to the American people and see if they'll voluntarily donate $1.3 billion every week to keep it going. But if you're going to collect tax money from the people, shouldn't the first priority be spending it on saving the lives of those same people?
There wasn't a vote as such on whether or not to invade Iraq; there wasn't a vote on whether or not we should let Osama bin Laden go free. This was something the American taxpayer was basically handed as a done deal...and even now that more than half the country will say it was a mistake to invade Iraq, we will likely still go on for several more years spending $1.3 billion every single week on that endeavor.
The President wants to make the suspension of the estate tax permanent. He wants to reduce federal spending and cut taxes still more. Except for that thing in Iraq, mind you, where no amount is too high...provided it doesn't go towards body armor, or adequate medical facilities for wounded troops. And then he asks Americans to donate to the Red Cross for hurricane relief.
I find that offensive. I'm sorry if anyone thinks that makes me a bad guy, but there it is.
If private charitable giving is the way to go, I say let the Pentagon get its military budget from charitable donations. If we need those funds for defense, let the Administration make its case to the American people and see if they'll voluntarily donate $1.3 billion every week to keep it going. But if you're going to collect tax money from the people, shouldn't the first priority be spending it on saving the lives of those same people?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Upside down world
How weird has the world become when Pat Buchanan, of all people, sounds like a voice of reason and sanity?
Let me put this in perspective. Before he was a failed Presidential candidate, television personality, or syndicated columnist, Buchanan was a speechwriter for and advisor to Nixon and Ford, and director of communications for Reagan. Buchanan has spoken out against immigration, abortion rights, and homosexuality. Buchanan has called Hitler and Francisco Franco great men, and has described Canada as a haven for terrorists. He once claimed that White House aide Vincent Foster and Hillary Clinton were spies for the Israeli intelligence agency Mossad.
The sort of quote I expect from Buchanan is more like this opinion on feminism: "Rail as they will about discrimination, women are simply not endowed by nature with the same measures of single-minded ambition and the will to succeed in the fiercely competitive world of Western capitalism." Another gem: "The real liberators of American women were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer."
And yet this guy has a more realistic and sensible perspective on Iraq than anyone in the Bush administration. What's up with that?
One particular comment caught my attention. In his comparison of current anti-war sentiment to that of the Vietnam era, Buchanan says:
"They did not succeed in breaking Nixon's presidency. He broke them. The crucial moment was his 'Great Silent Majority' speech of Nov. 3, 1969, which rallied Middle America behind his war policy. George W. Bush is approaching a similar moment of truth. And Cindy Sheehan may be the catalyst of crisis for the Bush presidency."
One thing about Dick Nixon is that he was a lot more shrewd and clever than people realize today. He was no ignorant buffoon; he was aware when he had a public relations problem and didn't lie to himself about his own popularity. He also had good speechwriters, Buchanan presumably among them. More than once, as in the example Buchanan cites, Nixon delivered speeches which had the effect of totally reframing the debate and saving his sorry criminal ass from public outcry yet again. No other president in my lifetime could shift the whole national discussion merely by the act of giving a speech the way Nixon could.
Can anyone imagine Bush doing the same?
Let me put this in perspective. Before he was a failed Presidential candidate, television personality, or syndicated columnist, Buchanan was a speechwriter for and advisor to Nixon and Ford, and director of communications for Reagan. Buchanan has spoken out against immigration, abortion rights, and homosexuality. Buchanan has called Hitler and Francisco Franco great men, and has described Canada as a haven for terrorists. He once claimed that White House aide Vincent Foster and Hillary Clinton were spies for the Israeli intelligence agency Mossad.
The sort of quote I expect from Buchanan is more like this opinion on feminism: "Rail as they will about discrimination, women are simply not endowed by nature with the same measures of single-minded ambition and the will to succeed in the fiercely competitive world of Western capitalism." Another gem: "The real liberators of American women were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer."
And yet this guy has a more realistic and sensible perspective on Iraq than anyone in the Bush administration. What's up with that?
One particular comment caught my attention. In his comparison of current anti-war sentiment to that of the Vietnam era, Buchanan says:
"They did not succeed in breaking Nixon's presidency. He broke them. The crucial moment was his 'Great Silent Majority' speech of Nov. 3, 1969, which rallied Middle America behind his war policy. George W. Bush is approaching a similar moment of truth. And Cindy Sheehan may be the catalyst of crisis for the Bush presidency."
One thing about Dick Nixon is that he was a lot more shrewd and clever than people realize today. He was no ignorant buffoon; he was aware when he had a public relations problem and didn't lie to himself about his own popularity. He also had good speechwriters, Buchanan presumably among them. More than once, as in the example Buchanan cites, Nixon delivered speeches which had the effect of totally reframing the debate and saving his sorry criminal ass from public outcry yet again. No other president in my lifetime could shift the whole national discussion merely by the act of giving a speech the way Nixon could.
Can anyone imagine Bush doing the same?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Summary of interrogation
Babies Caught Up in 'No-Fly' Confusion
To: Department of Homeland Security
From: Transportation Security Administration
Re: summary of interrogation of terrorist suspect
Suspect was taken into custody prior to boarding 9 AM flight Dulles to Orlando along with two individuals identifying selves as "parents" of suspect. Terminology possibly indicates higher status in terrorist cell.
Asked the purpose of his travels that day, suspect responded, "Mickey Mao! Mickey Mao?" Individual identifying self as "mother" of suspect told suspect Mickey Mouse was not present at this location, and did suspect want some juice? Suspect first replied "Nuh" then, apparently reconsidering, replied "Yes, wanna joos!"
Upon receiving a container of juice, suspect began an apparently self-composed recitation, the lyrics of which stated "joos joos wanna joos wanna joos joos joos joosy jooooooos!" Recording to be sent for translation. Possible anti-Israeli message?
When asked his name, suspect replied "Sunjob." When pointed out that this name did not match the name used on his ticket, suspect continued to insist that he was identified as "Sunjob." When asked to identify his superior in the terror cell, suspect said "Gary!" then broke into uncontrollable giggles.
Individual identifying self as "mother" explained that suspect was claiming to be "Spongebob." At this point, agents asked "mother" if this constituted admission of using false identification in air travel. "Mother" again expressed desire to end interview at this point.
Suspect began a second recitation in which he informed lead interrogator "You be super pooper man super pooper man sooper pooper maaaaaaaaan you do sooper poopers sooooooper poopers!" When informed that this claim was in error and that said agent was not, in fact, "super pooper man" the suspect began to cry. Suspect would not stop until the "mother" reassured suspect for several minutes.
Interrogation resumed. Lead agent asked suspect if he himself had ever made a bomb. Suspect laughed. When the question was repeated, suspect placed his tongue between his lips and made the following statement: "Prrrrrrfffffllllllllttttt prrrrr prrrrrr prrrrrfffff prrrrrrfffft!" When asked to elaborate, suspect explained "smelly belly smelly belly smelly belly smelly!" Suspect repeated this statement several times with increasing agitation, until "mother" explained suspect needed his diapers changed.
The interrogation was suspended until such time as this took place.
To: Department of Homeland Security
From: Transportation Security Administration
Re: summary of interrogation of terrorist suspect
Suspect was taken into custody prior to boarding 9 AM flight Dulles to Orlando along with two individuals identifying selves as "parents" of suspect. Terminology possibly indicates higher status in terrorist cell.
Asked the purpose of his travels that day, suspect responded, "Mickey Mao! Mickey Mao?" Individual identifying self as "mother" of suspect told suspect Mickey Mouse was not present at this location, and did suspect want some juice? Suspect first replied "Nuh" then, apparently reconsidering, replied "Yes, wanna joos!"
Upon receiving a container of juice, suspect began an apparently self-composed recitation, the lyrics of which stated "joos joos wanna joos wanna joos joos joos joosy jooooooos!" Recording to be sent for translation. Possible anti-Israeli message?
When asked his name, suspect replied "Sunjob." When pointed out that this name did not match the name used on his ticket, suspect continued to insist that he was identified as "Sunjob." When asked to identify his superior in the terror cell, suspect said "Gary!" then broke into uncontrollable giggles.
Individual identifying self as "mother" explained that suspect was claiming to be "Spongebob." At this point, agents asked "mother" if this constituted admission of using false identification in air travel. "Mother" again expressed desire to end interview at this point.
Suspect began a second recitation in which he informed lead interrogator "You be super pooper man super pooper man sooper pooper maaaaaaaaan you do sooper poopers sooooooper poopers!" When informed that this claim was in error and that said agent was not, in fact, "super pooper man" the suspect began to cry. Suspect would not stop until the "mother" reassured suspect for several minutes.
Interrogation resumed. Lead agent asked suspect if he himself had ever made a bomb. Suspect laughed. When the question was repeated, suspect placed his tongue between his lips and made the following statement: "Prrrrrrfffffllllllllttttt prrrrr prrrrrr prrrrrfffff prrrrrrfffft!" When asked to elaborate, suspect explained "smelly belly smelly belly smelly belly smelly!" Suspect repeated this statement several times with increasing agitation, until "mother" explained suspect needed his diapers changed.
The interrogation was suspended until such time as this took place.
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