Dick + Wittington = Pussy

Oh, come on -- no one's used that joke yet?

Anyway, the evil cyborg Cheney is a pussy. And not in the good way. He's no hunter, but he loves pretending to be one. That ranch in Texas where Wittington got sprayed with shot? One of those places where they raise quail in pens and feed them by hand, so they're not afraid of people. Then they let the poor stupid birds out dozens or hundreds at a time, not knowing they're supposed to flee hunters. They'd walk right up to you and let you hand feed them if you tried. And a bunch of wimps who think that holding rifles makes them real men -- man, if only Cheney had known that guns equal manhood sooner, maybe he wouldn't have gotten those five deferments from serving in Vietnam -- feel great about killing them up a whole bunch.

I read that Cheney has killed 70 of these utterly tame and defenseless birds in one day. On one of his frequent hunting trips, 400 birds were released and his hunting party killed 317 of them. Gotta love those odds. No wonder he was sure Iraq would go smoothly: after all, Cheney knows what it's like to defend the thin line of civilization against a rampaging horde of murderous tame quail. It's hell in those rushes, and you need a good stiff lite beer afterward to cleanse those psychic scars.

Real hunters don't shoot 70 quail in one day. Shooting more than you can eat is bad form, to say the least.

On the plus side, I understand that the shot pellets in Wittington's colon are in their last throes, and the Vice President's office announced that the Texas lawyer has welcomed Cheney as a liberator.