Monday, May 05, 2008

A losing play

My daydream goes something like this:

(RAB enters a tavern located somewhere in another state. Spying a patron not otherwise involved in activity or conversation, he approaches and doffs his hat.)

Me: Good day to you, sir. I am an avid supporter of a sporting team not local to this region and which has frequently competed against your own favored team.

Other person: Based on this statement, I assume that you may be a visitor to this area. If so, welcome to our community, my good fellow.

Me: My thanks. It is a lovely community and does yourself and your neighbors much credit. You know, I am firmly of the opinion that in their next encounter on the playing field, my preferred sporting team will best your preferred sporting team and emerge with the winning score.

Other person: Well, such an outcome is entirely possible. After all, both teams are composed of talented and dilligent players who will have trained extensively for the encounter...and of course one must never entirely discount the role of luck in determining the outcome of a given competition. However, bearing in mind these reservations, I remain of the opinion that in the event my own favored team will triumph, owing to their demonstrable skill and fortitude.

Me: A reasonable position. Watching their next encounter on the playing field shall be all the more enjoyable for me now. Should my expectations be vindicated, I shall enjoy the satisfaction of having correctly predicted the outcome of the game. On the other hand, should your prediction come to pass and your team achieves victory rather than mine, I will at least be able to take vicarious pleasure in the thought of you enjoying this vindication as I would have done.

Other person: So it would be safe to say there will be reward in the sporting event for both of us no matter what the outcome. I will enjoy my role as spectator even more for knowing this.

Me: As will I. Let us purchase and enjoy beverages together at this tavern in commemoration of our mutual respect in this matter.

Other person: Yes, let us.

(all exeunt)

That's my daydream. This isn't.


  1. You have successfully explained EVERYTHING I hate about sports culture. When they get back to being just games instead of a force of evil in the world, I will permit them existence on my Platonic island.

  2. So you’re planning to visit Canada….

    I know you’re not a sports nut (thought that not going to stop me and the polka people from kidnapping you and taking you to a Mets game). But I think your tarring all sports fans with the actions of just a few jerks (and in that news story homicide jerks at that) . I’m much more of a jerk about comic book facts (DC ruined Hal Jordan when they made him Parallax) then about sports, and so are you. Or with the two of us arguing about politic all the time, witch I can’t do for now because you’re my comic supplier (the first issues where free now your going take my Kirby back issues for new stuff, I’m on to you) and when I prove your wrong about your presidential pick you will stop sending reading material.

    The breakdown formally know as Howard

  3. Just to clarify: I'm not against sports fans, I'm against fan violence. I don't mind people having a favorite sports team any more than I mind anyone having a favorite band. If someone ever died as the result of a drunken argument over whether the Who or Led Zep rocked harder, that would be monstrous. If there were two dozen fistfights every year between fans of Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner, we'd all be horrified. Violence over a preference in sports teams is equally monstrous and absurd...but rivalries between fans of opposing teams are actively encouraged and catered to by the sports culture at large in a way you don't see in any other diversion or pastime or form of entertainment.

    When it comes to sports fan violence, so far we haven't seen anything compared with Europe but I'm worried we might be headed in that direction.

    Hey, I got you those comics even knowing you were a Giuliani supporter, even though the possibility of a Giuliani Presidency always made me throw up in my own mouth. I can be very big about these things.

  4. As a European, I'll just add GET OVER IT YOU WUSSES! SOCCER VIOLENCE IS BRILLIANT! I just hope someday you'll come to understand.

    And yes, I'm Irish. What of it?


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